


exit, pursued by no-one

by closingdoors



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Vanessa Woodfield deserves better I said what I said
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22440856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closingdoors/pseuds/closingdoors
Summary: Vanessa in the aftermath of the almost-wedding.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 9
Kudos: 115





	exit, pursued by no-one

**Author's Note:**

> This is an adapted minific that I wrote on my private twitter shortly after the almost-wedding ep aired. I wanted to wait til I saw tonight's ep to post it, but it hasn't really influenced it in any way. There's not really a plot to this. Just me getting some emotions out.

Her body isn't hers when she walks back into the registry office, her phone still clasped in her hand. She's not sure whether she hung up or if Charity did. Or maybe the phone's still connected and Charity's there, listening to her tell their family that the wedding's cancelled.

She hears the words, knows that they're leaving her mouth: she can see the reaction to them on the others' faces. But the words don't feel like hers.

The world passes by as she stares out the window of the taxi, Johnny in her lap because she can't bear not to have him close right now. The taxi driver's eyeing up her wedding dress and she's never been so grateful for her sister in her life, because Tracy had chose to sit in the front, hadn't even let Vanessa being confronted to a barrage of questions become a possibility.

She's grateful she has someone around to love her like that.

Her throat closes up and she holds Johnny a little bit tighter. Charity loves her like that, doesn't she? Fiercely? Protective? Who protects her from everything but Charity herself, it seems. 

Because she doesn't _know_ why Charity had cancelled. She couldn't have changed her mind. Surely not. Charity loves her. She has to believe that. If she doesn't, if she has to face the heartbreaking idea that Charity simply hadn't wanted to marry her, then the tears she's holding back will flood forward.

Johnny shifts in her lap, trying to get a good look out of the window. Johnny, her little boy, all dressed up in a matching outfit with his brother for the wedding she didn't get. She removes the hat and brushes her hand through his soft hair. At least, she thinks, she always has her son. 

Sarah's engrossed in her phone but she can feel Noah's eyes on her. She doesn't dare look at Tracy. She keeps her composure, even when they pull up back at Jacob's Fold and find Charity's car isn't there, and the house is empty.

"V," Tracy murmurs, as the kids spill into the house and she pauses in the doorway. Her sister pulls her into a strong hug and Vanessa grips her tightly. "You really did look beautiful today. Dad would be dead proud."

Vanessa doesn't say anything, because if she does she'll cry, so she squeezes Tracy's shoulder and heads back indoors. She makes tea for the little ones and shoves a pizza in the oven for Noah and Sarah. It isn't until Sarah and Noah exchange a look that she realises she's still in her dress.

She avoids her reflection in the mirror. She'd felt so _happy,_ the day she'd stumbled upon the dress; she'd known instantly that it was the one. Charity had agreed, too, had poured compliments over her until she was wearing them for skin and made dirty jokes about how good their wedding night was going to be. She doesn't want to see her reflection now. She doesn't want to see herself in tears while wearing her wedding dress.

Vanessa fiddles with her ring. She doesn't needs marriage to prove she loves Charity. She'd just like it. That's all.

Then she's pulling the dress off, carefully, not at all like how Charity had promised to rip it off of her. She smooths out the creases as she places it back on the hanger because, well, surely she'll need it again? And she zips up the back, and doesn't look at Charity's unmade side of the bed, and she ignores the mud on her wedding dress flung carelessly over the back of the chair.

When she gets the boys into their pyjamas, she doesn't think about how she and Charity had shopped for their outfits. _Like Peaky Blinders, babe,_ Charity had said, and then they'd just had to buy them. 

Noah and Sarah are quiet throughout tea. There's a storm brewing inside them, she knows, but she can't handle it. She doesn't think she'd be able to defend Charity right now. She doesn't want to think about Charity at all, actually. She doesn't want to think about how they should be toasting right now and picking confetti from their hair and how her lipstick should be smudged from Charity's kisses. Because it just _hurts._ It hurts too much.

The boys are grouchy when she tries to get them to sleep. They want Charity, she does the voices in the book better they say, and it isn't until they've finally relented that she realises how exhausted she is.

Sarah's already retreated to her room. Vanessa wonders about the photos she'd taken earlier and if she had bothered to keep them; if she'd deleted the post she'd made online. Vanessa's not quite sure she could stomach seeing herself so unconditionally happy now.

Once she's dressed for bed, there's a knock at the door, Noah stepping in before she's called out _come in._

"You looked really nice today," he says, bright red, and she realises how much she loves this boy, Charity's son, even if he hadn't made it easy for her in the beginning. 

"Thank you, Noah."

"I was really excited for you to be my stepmum."

"Me too," she whispers in a choked sob, watching him go as tears blur her vision, barely able to get the words out before she begins to cry.

Charity gets in late. She's quiet, too. She doesn't kick her shoes off so they bounce against the door like they normally do.

Vanessa pretends to be asleep, listening to the sounds of her should-be-wife getting ready for bed, and there's silence as Charity climbs in beside her.

She waits for the explanation that doesn't come. And waits. And waits. And -

The morning rolls around without her permission. The bed is empty beside her; the sheets already made. Vanessa rubs her swollen eyes and feels her throat ache from all the crying. 

She curls up on Charity's side of the bed anyway, breathing in the smell of her perfume. She loves Charity. She really does. More than she's ever loved anyone. She'd never thought she was capable of love like this. Charity makes her happier than anyone she's ever been with.

The downside is that she breaks her heart more than anyone ever has, too. 


End file.
